One Year Later...

It has been one year since I jumped on a plane to Ireland, (well, first to Chicago, then to the Emerald Isle.) I think about my experiences during the four months that I was living and exploring Europe every day. Each day I think of a new experience, memory, or feeling that I never want to forget. Each picture I look at reminds me the way I felt in that moment. Emotions, feelings and memories are things that I am terrified to forget. For my own personal benefit, I am writing down everything I remember about my experience, one year after they happened. This will also benefit the people around me that get sick of hearing me yap about Ireland this, and Germany that. This is truly going to be a random blog filled with my own personal memories and experiences, in no particular order. So...here we go.
On the day I was leaving my family in Pittsburgh, I don't remember waking up, I don't remember leaving my sisters house, I don't remember driving in the car away from the place I was so comfortable with, I don't remember most of that morning. Maybe I was trying to block out the sadness I was soon to be feeling. Call me dramatic, but as excited as I was, leaving my sister, family, and best friends behind me was utterly terrifying. The night before I said goodbye to my Mom and brother; that was hard enough. I knew today was going to be rough. I was also scared because I was flying out on September 12, 2011, 10 years and 1 day after the September 11 attacks. Like I said, call me dramatic, but my irrationally thinking mind was wandering. Anyways, my sister and I went to my college to pick up my two best friends. We loaded in the Jeep and I remember pulling up the driveway and how weird it was, knowing I wouldn't see this place for quite some time. I wasn't leaving forever, but I was anxious and scared and naive, so being dramatic kind of just falls into place in this situation. The four of us, my sister, two best friends-Kait and Maddy- and myself headed in the direction of Pittsburgh International Airport. Andddd, we were a little early so we stopped at Applebees for one last American lunch. Steak, broccoli and a baked potato had my name all over it. Add some A1 Sauce and a Diet Coke and boy, was I a very happy (and very full,) little traveler.  And then the reality of the situation sank in. We drove the rest of the way to the airport, parked the car, and headed to check-in. Of course, my suitcase was overweight, but the amazing woman at the counter let me slide. I put a smile on my face, thanking her, knowing that I was hiding how I was really feeling. Biting back tears, the four of us heading to security. And this is where I knew that I couldn't keep it together anymore. One by one, I hugged my best friends. First Maddy; and tears came out. Then Kait; big crocodile tears. And then my sister; I was an absolute mess. The hugs could not be long enough. But I knew I had to let them go. With teary eyes, I said one last goodbye, and was off. I went through the motions of security; jacket off, shoes off, backpack unzipped, laptop out, etc., and I could still see my family and friends standing outside of the security area. As I put my shoes back on, and headed for my gate, I turned around one last time to wave. And all of a sudden, they scream, through the airport, "Bonsua, mi creme brulee!" A hysterical quote from a MK&A movie. Laughing and crying, it was the perfect 'so-long' from the people I love most in life.
I found my gate, and sat down to wait. I remember seeing my sister putting something in my backpack, and in the midst of checking and then re-checking I had my passport and documents, I pulled the note out and began to read. My sister is someone who knows me better than anyone else in this universe, and therefore knows the exact words to make me incredibly happy, sad, excited and proud all in one instant. The note reassured how proud she was of me and how proud my father would be of me, how brave and courageous I was, and how exciting this was going to be for me. As I sat alone near my gate, reading the note and bawling my eyes out, I had a realization: I have to put this sadness behind me and start this exciting journey. I folded the note back up and tucked it safely away and waited to board my connecting flight to Chicago. I don't remember much of this flight; I'm assuming it was the nerves again. I landed in Chicago and remember my first thought: holy crap this airport is HUGE. The first wave of vulnerability hit me then. I fought it off and quickly wanted to find my gate. I remember crossing an area that said, "You cannot return to this area after crossing this point." It was like I was crossing the border into hades. I was intimidated. I crossed the Bridge to Terebithia and found my gate. I was very early, so I decided to eat. I got a Diet Coke and some peanuts. I redid my makeup, checked my bags, again, and found a nice spot on a wall to post up on to wait. I remember looking all around at the people who were waiting with me, wondering what they were thinking of me. (I later soon found out, as one of my fellow passengers was also a study abroad gal.) The waiting drew to a close and the waiters began to stir. I found my way over to a glass wall that stood in front of a moving sidewalk. I was ready. But apparently, I had a bit more waiting. A younger looking lad came and stood by the glass wall next to me. I smiled, and he started talking. His Irish accent filled my ears and I was entranced! He began telling me why he was in the U.S., (J1-work program,) and where he was from and so on. When I told him I was going to Carlow, his reaction is as follows, "Why the hell are ye goin' to Carlow? Der's notin der!" Welp, thank you sir. Good thoughts, good thoughts. I will make the best of this tiny town. How bad could it be? I said goodbye to my new Irish friend and boarded the biggest plane I had ever seen in my entire life. The staff of AerLingus were beautiful and perfect and totally 100% Irish. I loved it! I found my seat, put my bag above me, and was ready for takeoff. My only thought was, 'Here we go...'

Back in America...

Wow! I've been back in America for well over a month now and boy, are things different. I can honestly say that I never would have expected things to be so different and so much the same at the same time. I find myself saying things like, "I miss this about Ireland,", or "Things are so different in Ireland." When people ask me about my trip, they say, "How was Ireland?" And I always say, "It was amazing! A little rough at first, but an incredibly worthwhile experience." And then the same question always seems to follow, "Are you happy to be home?" Am I happy to be home. Yes and no. On one hand, I missed my family so much it was ridiculous. And my best friend had a pretty rough semester without me, so on that front, yes, I was ecstatic to be home. On the other hand: NO. America has it's perks-the opportunities, my family/friends, the food (sometimes!), the convenience, etc. But overall, American's are kind of, well, crazy. We all have such a fast paced attitude about us that we never really stop to smell the roses. EVER. For example, I went to the grocery store with my sister a day after I got home from Ireland. As we were waiting in line for the deli, someone literally pushed me out of the way so they could move to the front of the deli case. Really? It may have been slight culture shock but I was literally in shock. I looked at my sister, and she just shrugged. Now, I didn't react to this in any way besides give him the most perplexed look ever and then chuckle a bit. (Something I probably picked up in Ireland.) But seriously? I could understand him pushing me out of the way to get to the free diamonds that Tiffany's was passing out, but just to look at the deli case? I was baffled. I brought this up to my sister again later that evening and she reinforced the idea of living in a dog-eat-dog society. We are brought up always looking for the next goal we can achieve, the next level we can reach, the next job advancement we can get, and even-how fast we can get through the deli line. It was after this conversation that I truly appreciate all of what Ireland taught me. That is to let go, to live more freely, and to laugh. I miss Ireland like crazy! But most of all, I miss my wonderful Ireland friends. Overall, life is pretty much back to normal. Except that I see things differently and I view people differently. I have more confidence and am more self assured. And on the inside, I am changed as a person. So I guess, without further ado, I should probably say, "Thanks, Ireland."